It begins!

Time to start blogging this adventure!

I've been meaning to start this for months now, but couldn't find the "perfect" words or way of doing this... so I'm giving up that hope, and just doing this how I do them - very imperfect, but with good intentions :)

SO - we're adopting! Two children! From the Philippines! And I'm SO EXCITED about it! And a little terrified. But mostly excited. 

It all started a couple years ago. The first little promptings started entering my mind. Charity was about a year and a half old...and I had to address the question in my mind and heart of whether I wanted more babies. I didn't. I don't. Those "baby hungry" feelings weren't there, as they had been in the past, thus telling me I should have more.  But YET - that "our family is complete" feeling wasn't there either. Four (4) is a great number, but Bennett didn't have a brother. And in my Patriarchal Blessing, I'm told I'll have sons and daughters. Sons. With an s. 

SO - the logical conclusion was obviously to adopt a couple kids from a country in the ocean 7000 miles away.

Oh wait, more to the story!

It's pretty safe to say that there are few people on the earth who know Brian, but don't know he served a mission in the Philippines and speaks Tagalog. He's a pretty transparent guy. He loves that country and those people. He took me there in 2007. I got to see a LOT of the country - from the big crazy city of Manila to the impoverish northern area to the breathtaking gorgeous deserted beaches of Bohol. And a LOT of seriously cute little kids running around. Everywhere. 

I think this is how my mind logic played out: if we're going to adopt, and I want my husband to love this child/children as much as his biological children and quickly, our best bet is to go Filipino! 

And THEN in the news: those awful typhoons. Taking lives, destroying homes....creating orphans. 

So it was early in 2015 I started googling "how to adopt from the Philippines" and doing preliminary research. And telling... NO ONE. Top secret. Not even Brian for awhile. No one. I emailed a few agencies and got info. I joined a couple closed Facebook groups - Philippines specific, and LDS International adoption specific. I had a super SUPER serious conversation with Brian:

Me: "Hey Bri - what do you think about adopting from the Philippines?"

Brian: "Really? Sounds great!"

Me: "Ok, cool."

Yeah, it was intense.

So with his blessing I got a little more serious. Step one was to choose an agency. There weren't many to choose from. This process took me over a year. Why? My fault. INDECISION. I wasn't sure if this is really REALLY want we wanted to do. Or more importantly, what Heavenly Father wanted us to do. I prayed. Lots. I studied. I fasted. And more praying. 

Half the time (especially when things at home were [ahem] chaotic) I thought I had my answer: NAH, I'm good, this is ALL I can handle right here!!

But then in the calmer moments, the little reminders and prompts never went away. A brother for Bennett. Giving an orphaned child a family. Philippine everything, everywhere. Seriously. I feel like a saw a million "Made in the Philippines" stickers on random items. And Filipino people everywhere! Everytime I saw one, it was another little nudge.

Finally I had a clear thought that kicked me into gear: "You'll have regret in the future if you don't pursue this now."

I made my first phone call in May 2015. I talked to several agencies: Children of all Nations, Hand in Hand International, Christian Adoption Services, Holt International, All God's Children....

We applied through Christian Adoption Services. Spent hours filling out the application. Hours talking to the Director and to the references she offered. And then... the rejection letter. They rejected us. I was furious and devastated and so confused.

Especially when I realized why:

They don't consider us to be Christian.

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we don't fit their definition of Christian, therefore they won't let us use their adoption services. 

How sad for them to be so mistaken about who and what Christians really are.

But I brushed it off, and kept up my search.

I settled on working with Hand in Hand International, based out of Colorado/Indiana.  The Director, Vickie, seems great.  So we filled out the application (so quick to type that, so long to actually accomplish it), paid the $425 initial fee, they received it on 3/1/17, and we heard back a week later that we were IN! Hooray!

She sent me the next step:  a new vocabulary word for me that would suddenly take over my life:

DOSSIER.

A mountain of paperwork to fill out and appointments to make and documents to get in order.

The most massive one - another word to take up whatever of my brain that was life - HOMESTUDY. 

I spent March 5-April 8 getting the Dossier/Homestudy complete. Apparently in record time, I was told! I literally spent every day getting as much done as I possibly could with every minute of spare time I had. Which was very little, as usual. My world keeps revolving - 4 busy kids, school volunteer obligations, family obligations, Church/Youth service, a house that will fall apart if I don't stay ON it.... 

But the Lord helped me with every step. I can't even begin to list all the tiny but significant miracles He made happen to get this paperwork done smoothly. It was nothing short of an absolute irrefutable miracle. And the fact I was able to keep it quiet. From my children, extended family.... I'm just not ready to tell them yet. SOON! But just not yet. Waiting until it's real. Like really real. I don't want to deal with questions and opinions and speculations when I don't have answers for everything (or anything?) yet, and I'm still forming my own coherent thoughts about it all!  Thus why BLOGGING is so wonderful - I can get all this out on here, and move forward. 

Next step:  HOMESTUDY this Saturday afternoon! A woman named Nora from Lutheran Community Services is coming over for a few hours  (HOURS!) to interview us, our kids, observe us in our natural environment like the wild animals we are.... (kidding...but what's NO joke is the amount of crazy cleaning and organizing I'm doing in prep for her visit).

Here are a few photos of the super exciting process thus far:

Here is Brian getting his FBI fingerprint testing done! Ya know, just to make sure he's not a mafia member or ex-con. They're not allowed to do international adoptions. And I bet they try to ALL the time. So it's really necessary to make us jump through a million complicated hoops, drive all the way downtown in the middle of the day, pay $100, and press our fingers on a screen in some eccentric lady's store.
I'm a little sassy, I know.  I totally understand why they've gotta be so thorough. Gotta protect the kiddos. {sigh}...just wish it was a bit easier!!
Good news: we both passed our tests, and got some very pretty certificates congratulating us.  Yeah, they BETTER be pretty, for $50 each. 

Here's Brian on the phone with a PSYCHIATRIST. In Indiana. Cuz the Philippines makes us do full psychiatric evaluations. Two separate extensive tests. Over 600 true/false questions, plus an interview with a licensed psychiatrist. I shopped around....the ones locally were too complicated and expensive. Our agency connected us with this guy who did them quick, easy, and cheap. Well, $600 cheap. Um, that's like a plane ticket to Hawaii. But apparently I need to be really happy we got it done at "such a bargain!"

Funny part: Brian FAILED one of the tests! It got flagged for him being "too defensive." So he had to re-take it and be "more honest."  Silly Brian. No one's perfect, and the crazy doc will weed out those who attempt to portray themselves as such ;) The questions were pretty bizarre. And personal. And ridiculous.
Oh, the things we'll do for our kiddos!